Oh no I missed it – Submissive Guide Blog Hop Challenge (SGBHC) #2

I didn’t get a chance to post in the allotted time, but I wanted to blog about it anyway. Here are the folks who got their posts in on time – bonimiss, Sally, lunaKM, PurpleOrchid

Here’s the challenge:  Your Most Valuable Asset

What do you feel is the most valuable asset you have to offer your Dominant? Explain why. This isn’t a simple journal prompt. Challenge answers should be well thought out. Try to really get down to the heart of your submission and describe your asset and your explanation.

My first thought is my handiness. I can fix lots of things, but I want to think beyond that. I struggle with the idea that I have value and worth just by being alive – that my worth isn’t tied to the things that I can do.

So what would be my most valuable asset – something that isn’t a tangible thing?

I think I would have to say that my fluidity and ability to adapt is my most important asset. When I was young I saw the Star Trek Next Generation episode entitled “The Perfect Mate.” Yes, I am a Trekkie*. That episode really struck me – I wanted to be like that woman; I wanted to adapt to be exactly what the other person needed/wanted.

I don’t know how much of a conscious decision it was, but I decided that I would be as fluid as I could be. Every one of my relationships has benefited from this and not just my intimate ones. I have been accused of not being “real” and I have been told “You’ve changed.” This bothered me in high school, but I’ve learned to better accept that part of myself.

So how is this specifically a benefit to my Sir?

Well, now I look more like a woman then when he first met me. Before I was a tomboy who wanted so much to be butch, but just couldn’t get it right. Sir wanted a girly girl, but one that didn’t take too long to get ready (aka don’t make him have to wait) and one that didn’t need expensive designer clothes or accessories. I don’t think I am a girly girl, but I am much closer to that then I have ever been.

I also have worked hard to develop a more dominant persona for when I top him. This is something that I had never thought I would be able to do. It still needs lots of work (and practice) but I am happy with my ability to grow.

Sir hears from lots of folks that he is very lucky and that their significant other wouldn’t do the things I do such as strap-on play or playing with others/being ok with Sir playing with others. I enjoy hearing this. This is my first real open relationship in the sense that we have sex with other people on a somewhat regular basis. I want to do things that reflect good on him and show others how much care for him.

I thought I could adapt to most anything that Sir needed/wanted. I started to think that I could bury any feelings that weren’t consistent with what Sir wanted or more precisely, what I thought Sir wanted. That is why it was so hard the last time we tried to be a triad. I felt so unhappy about the whole thing, but I wanted to be that “perfect mate.” The harder I tried to adapt into being what I saw as a secondary partner, the more depressed I became.

During that long process I discovered a lot about myself. I think now I have a good balance of being the “perfect mate” and understanding that I can’t be “perfect” if I don’t listen to my own feelings.

So now I feel like I am an even better submissive because I know better about my limits and am able to articulate them. Plus I think Sir appreciates that I am more willing and able to discuss things and not just go along silently. But I still am very proud about my ability to be adaptable. I do think it is one of my best assets.

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* I owe so much to Star Trek. I am very thankful to Gene Roddenberry and everyone involved. I recently watch “The Captains” and it has been bothering me ever since. I completely understand the actors are not the characters, but they are forever going to connected. It was hard to hear how hard the filming was on the actors and their families. Many relationships ended and the hours on set were long and hard. It hurt me so much to think that theses people suffered greatly to create something that has been such a positive influence in my life and the lives of others. I now understand why they have trouble believing/understanding when people say that Star Trek changed their lives. I feel guilty benefiting from their pain.